I wonder sometimes when I am going to blow. Its gotta come at sometime, right? I mean, everyone has their breaking point. Am I going to end up doing something drastic in public? Like trashing some store, or going off on some employee for no reason?
I have stayed calm throughout most of my life. I have rolled with the punches. And the events of the past week have changed me. I have more walls up now than ever before. I am afraid to get close to anyone..and words? Words dont mean shit.
Im 36yrs old. Closer to 37 and Im tired. Im tired of people's bullshit. No one is real anymore. Loyalty means nothing. People are too self absorbed and selfish to see anything beyond the tip of their nose.
I am lost. and I dont even know where to begin to go. I am supposed to be in the happiest time of my life. I am getting married 2 months from today.. I should be eyeball deep in wedding planning... instead.. I have no clue. Honestly, this year has been such a mess, I am beginning to wonder if I should even go through it at all.
It's probably more my frame of mind than anything. I just do not feel important to anyone at the moment. Everyone always has a screen in front of their face. Whether it's a phone or a tv. Im tired of competing with things, that I can not compete against in the long run.
What the fuck am I doing with my life? More importantly, what the fuck do I even want to do with my life? I still do not even know.
