So much to say....and so little to say

There are so many thoughts that run throughmyheadallthe time. Constantly..about sooo many different kinds of things. I don't think I ever have a complete thought lol...like right now, I can't even get through a whole sentence on here without stopping and dazing off into space lol..

It's odd though.. The way my mind works. The way I think.  I know a lot of people who don't understand me for it. Including my family...well...I don't know if I can call them that anymore since I've been shut out.
But anyways,

So yeah...I really had no intention blogging today....hell it's been a while since I have blogged...lol.


You know..you shouldn't hate people...it's such a wasted energy.  The only person who gains from is the person you are hating. But yet....I find myself not immune to it.  Also, I have found the actual meaning of it as well.  I find mine as a slow burn hate...it doesn't drive me...it doesn't make me plot evil against the person...but I don't want to think about this person, I do not wish at all to see this person again, or hear their voice or even their name spoken aloud by someone else..it will put me in a bad mood in an instant.....
Sooo....what exactly does that say....when in all actuality, the hate is from my OWN perception.  My own side of the story..
Isn't crazy then, that

 "Their perception is your reality".

I hate feeling

Sad for no reason at all.  I actually shed a few tears earlier for really no reason. Watching some stupid video.  I don't feel depressed by any one thing really. Just sad. There is only one thing that ever makes me sad when I think about it..and that's just I miss my kids..well I can't say 'my' anymore..sooo I miss the 3 beings that I gave birth to. But I really don't want to get into that on here.

So....what makes someone sad for really no reason? I'm not pregnant..so it's not that. I'm not even due for my monthly visitor yet...so it's not that either.

I really hate this feeling. Especially when there really isn't a reason for it.

I really hope I hear some good news tomorrow. I'm really wanting the job I interviewed for 2wks ago...that would help in so many different ways. I'm going to be really disappointed if I don't get it.  I really need to get out of the store I'm in.

Anyways..that's really it...no rants tonight. Just wanted to feel connected to something so I decided that I would blog for a bit.

I firmly believe..

That my generation is killing the values that we once had. So much has changed since from our parents generation. Its harder to find people in my age group with real values anymore.

Everyone has sold out. Everyone has jumped on the bandwagon and become greedy. Everyone is holding out their hands..but giving noting in return..

Our social skills are declining. In our parents generation, people went OUT and did things..and mingled with other people face to face.

Our generation.. well now all you have to have is access to the internet.

No one watches out for anyone else anymore. All we care about is ourselves.

It saddens me.. soo utterly saddens me that this is what we've become..and we are teaching the next generation.

I believe that my soul is in the wrong generation.. Ive been called a hippie more times then I can count.. not by looks..but by my viewpoint on things.

I refuse society...why..because you are all sheep. You follow the herd.. you dont question it when things are going against your rights.. you sit back and take it.. why??!? because you have been made to believe that is how you have to be.

Why is everyone trying to be like everyone else? I dont mean by looks.. I mean by thinking..my making your OWN opinion.. rather then jumping on the side with the most people.

Thats another thing..the FEAR you all have of being rejected by.. ..heres the fun part... EACH OTHER..

I mean really.. you conform to be more likeable by certain people. If you dont share their viewpoints.. you will never say it outloud..instead you will bury it down deep..and just agree with their side. And you keep doing it until you believe it yourself.

...........

im done for now.. I need to sleep.

YAY!

I can blog from anywhere and everywhere...haha

I feel like I should have been angry villain saying that.

Soooooo....I made my hair look like fire today. Well maybe I didn't do it...but I paid someone else to.
She cut a lot off though. It's much shorter then I would have liked. But I do have to say that she did a great job and I do love my hair. Especially the colors.

Taking 2 trips this week.. I'm really looking forward to spending some alone time with my boyfriend.

I'm about to go get a new tattoo. Really excited!!! It's going to be of tank girl. Maybe ill blog tonight after its done and post a pic!

Hmmm..I had an interview..thinking it went well.  Hoping to hear good news by Monday.

The forest is really thick right now. Which is fantastic. Thick forests are always great to get lost in!

So ok...I'm going to go get ready for my tatt appt...

Tatts and forest,

So sick of

people who are always all "woe as me". Im so sick of giving out advice and them making excuses. Im so sick of them ALLOWING and to keep allowing misery.

I dont understand why people CHOOSE to be miserable. Its really hard for me to fathom this.

Im also really sick of having to keep helping the same people over and over again. They wear me out.
When do you reach the point of not helping them anymore? When do you know that you can walk away? Without feeling guilty?

ugh its such a catch 22 with me. I want to walk away. I want to throw my hands up in the air. I want to scream and shout at these people until they listen. REALLY listen.

But at the same time, I do still care..and I hate seeing them like that.

Ive lost a hell of a lot in my life. More then 1 person should. And sure, that may seem biased or that a lot of people have, but I really have. And I dont consider a lot of the people I talk to as "friends". I choose my "friends" carefully.

So when these "friends" act this way.. it so tiring on so many levels. I know we all have our moments.. that we are all get down on our luck and feel like the world is against us. But seriously..to keep repeating the same shit over and over again.. KNOWING that it makes you miserable..knowing that it causes you pain.. you just become a sadist. You just become miserable all the time.. and I end up saying the same shit over and over and over again.

Im tired. So very tired of always being the one. Of always being the one that is there. But its like I cant stop.

Ok, so this has turned into me venting more then anything.

So anyways, Im done.. I dont know what else to say..

Hey Howdy Hey!

Im in a wicked good mood tonight. Except for the stupid shock pain that runs through my right ear.. Im doin pretty fantastic :D

So lets see... worked today... it went fine.. didnt make any messes today! lol

Boomer is at the foot of bed, drooling and purring :)

Im almost to season 3 on Family Guy..

I join band wagons waayy after they start. I didnt get into Harry Potter until like right before book 5 came out.

Blarghy Ive reached the end of the forest! psh



Anyways..

so yeah

lets see.. Im off for the next 3 days.. I was (and still am) hoping that a certain something would arrive by now..so these days could be really productive. And I really really need it too..but.. it has yet to arrive..

My ear is really starting to bug me.

Its 3:30am! why the fuck am I still awake? and blogging no less..

Yeah, I try not to cuss to much in here..but then I thought..well hey..this is MY blog..where I can write about whatever I want to. :D so... there :P nernernerner


Im starting to get sleepy now..but its like..I dont want to go to sleep..like a little kid or something..lol Im grown up enough to know that Im not missing out on anything by going to sleep.. lol

Alrighty, I will end the misery of reading my random thoughts..lol

I have a thing..

For quotes. Inspirational quotes, love quotes, funny quotes, thoughtful quotes.. pretty much all of them.

My favorite quote:

"The greatest conflicts are not between two people, but between one person and himself" ~ Garth Brooks

It says a hell of a lot. We are constantly at some sort of battle with ourselves. And thus creating a lot of battles with other people. Only because we are not completely happy with ourselves.

Some many stupid arguments. So much time wasted on stupid petty shit. So much time people are wishing away..

Its rather sad.. it really is. People never cease to amaze me. And Im actually glad by that. As it means that Im not jaded. That Im not affected. That I havent become some droid walking around acting like Im alive.

But they sadden me as well. I so wish that people would just take the time.. to enjoy something..anything truly. To totally let themselves "be" in that moment. To be grateful. REALLY grateful for what is in front of their face. Not wishing their lives away for something else.

The two words I despise together? "If only". What the hell?! If only are the two worst words put together. As they can not exist. Playing the "if only game" will drive you INSANE! It can be never ending. "If only" can go on forever..and for what? Just so you can wish shit away by saying "if only"? Stop with that. Give up "if only". Let it go.

Stay in the present.
Be connected with where you are.
Take a GOOD look around you.

And

Just "BE"

I could go on and on about this. Get up on my soap box and all.

But eh, anyways.

What other random thought process can I spew on here tonight?

Well nothing I guess... My thoughts have seemed to quiet down for the night.

ciao