I hate feeling

Sad for no reason at all.  I actually shed a few tears earlier for really no reason. Watching some stupid video.  I don't feel depressed by any one thing really. Just sad. There is only one thing that ever makes me sad when I think about it..and that's just I miss my kids..well I can't say 'my' anymore..sooo I miss the 3 beings that I gave birth to. But I really don't want to get into that on here.

So....what makes someone sad for really no reason? I'm not pregnant..so it's not that. I'm not even due for my monthly visitor yet...so it's not that either.

I really hate this feeling. Especially when there really isn't a reason for it.

I really hope I hear some good news tomorrow. I'm really wanting the job I interviewed for 2wks ago...that would help in so many different ways. I'm going to be really disappointed if I don't get it.  I really need to get out of the store I'm in.

Anyways..that's really it...no rants tonight. Just wanted to feel connected to something so I decided that I would blog for a bit.

I firmly believe..

That my generation is killing the values that we once had. So much has changed since from our parents generation. Its harder to find people in my age group with real values anymore.

Everyone has sold out. Everyone has jumped on the bandwagon and become greedy. Everyone is holding out their hands..but giving noting in return..

Our social skills are declining. In our parents generation, people went OUT and did things..and mingled with other people face to face.

Our generation.. well now all you have to have is access to the internet.

No one watches out for anyone else anymore. All we care about is ourselves.

It saddens me.. soo utterly saddens me that this is what we've become..and we are teaching the next generation.

I believe that my soul is in the wrong generation.. Ive been called a hippie more times then I can count.. not by looks..but by my viewpoint on things.

I refuse society...why..because you are all sheep. You follow the herd.. you dont question it when things are going against your rights.. you sit back and take it.. why??!? because you have been made to believe that is how you have to be.

Why is everyone trying to be like everyone else? I dont mean by looks.. I mean by thinking..my making your OWN opinion.. rather then jumping on the side with the most people.

Thats another thing..the FEAR you all have of being rejected by.. ..heres the fun part... EACH OTHER..

I mean really.. you conform to be more likeable by certain people. If you dont share their viewpoints.. you will never say it outloud..instead you will bury it down deep..and just agree with their side. And you keep doing it until you believe it yourself.

...........

im done for now.. I need to sleep.

YAY!

I can blog from anywhere and everywhere...haha

I feel like I should have been angry villain saying that.

Soooooo....I made my hair look like fire today. Well maybe I didn't do it...but I paid someone else to.
She cut a lot off though. It's much shorter then I would have liked. But I do have to say that she did a great job and I do love my hair. Especially the colors.

Taking 2 trips this week.. I'm really looking forward to spending some alone time with my boyfriend.

I'm about to go get a new tattoo. Really excited!!! It's going to be of tank girl. Maybe ill blog tonight after its done and post a pic!

Hmmm..I had an interview..thinking it went well.  Hoping to hear good news by Monday.

The forest is really thick right now. Which is fantastic. Thick forests are always great to get lost in!

So ok...I'm going to go get ready for my tatt appt...

Tatts and forest,

So sick of

people who are always all "woe as me". Im so sick of giving out advice and them making excuses. Im so sick of them ALLOWING and to keep allowing misery.

I dont understand why people CHOOSE to be miserable. Its really hard for me to fathom this.

Im also really sick of having to keep helping the same people over and over again. They wear me out.
When do you reach the point of not helping them anymore? When do you know that you can walk away? Without feeling guilty?

ugh its such a catch 22 with me. I want to walk away. I want to throw my hands up in the air. I want to scream and shout at these people until they listen. REALLY listen.

But at the same time, I do still care..and I hate seeing them like that.

Ive lost a hell of a lot in my life. More then 1 person should. And sure, that may seem biased or that a lot of people have, but I really have. And I dont consider a lot of the people I talk to as "friends". I choose my "friends" carefully.

So when these "friends" act this way.. it so tiring on so many levels. I know we all have our moments.. that we are all get down on our luck and feel like the world is against us. But seriously..to keep repeating the same shit over and over again.. KNOWING that it makes you miserable..knowing that it causes you pain.. you just become a sadist. You just become miserable all the time.. and I end up saying the same shit over and over and over again.

Im tired. So very tired of always being the one. Of always being the one that is there. But its like I cant stop.

Ok, so this has turned into me venting more then anything.

So anyways, Im done.. I dont know what else to say..

Hey Howdy Hey!

Im in a wicked good mood tonight. Except for the stupid shock pain that runs through my right ear.. Im doin pretty fantastic :D

So lets see... worked today... it went fine.. didnt make any messes today! lol

Boomer is at the foot of bed, drooling and purring :)

Im almost to season 3 on Family Guy..

I join band wagons waayy after they start. I didnt get into Harry Potter until like right before book 5 came out.

Blarghy Ive reached the end of the forest! psh



Anyways..

so yeah

lets see.. Im off for the next 3 days.. I was (and still am) hoping that a certain something would arrive by now..so these days could be really productive. And I really really need it too..but.. it has yet to arrive..

My ear is really starting to bug me.

Its 3:30am! why the fuck am I still awake? and blogging no less..

Yeah, I try not to cuss to much in here..but then I thought..well hey..this is MY blog..where I can write about whatever I want to. :D so... there :P nernernerner


Im starting to get sleepy now..but its like..I dont want to go to sleep..like a little kid or something..lol Im grown up enough to know that Im not missing out on anything by going to sleep.. lol

Alrighty, I will end the misery of reading my random thoughts..lol

I have a thing..

For quotes. Inspirational quotes, love quotes, funny quotes, thoughtful quotes.. pretty much all of them.

My favorite quote:

"The greatest conflicts are not between two people, but between one person and himself" ~ Garth Brooks

It says a hell of a lot. We are constantly at some sort of battle with ourselves. And thus creating a lot of battles with other people. Only because we are not completely happy with ourselves.

Some many stupid arguments. So much time wasted on stupid petty shit. So much time people are wishing away..

Its rather sad.. it really is. People never cease to amaze me. And Im actually glad by that. As it means that Im not jaded. That Im not affected. That I havent become some droid walking around acting like Im alive.

But they sadden me as well. I so wish that people would just take the time.. to enjoy something..anything truly. To totally let themselves "be" in that moment. To be grateful. REALLY grateful for what is in front of their face. Not wishing their lives away for something else.

The two words I despise together? "If only". What the hell?! If only are the two worst words put together. As they can not exist. Playing the "if only game" will drive you INSANE! It can be never ending. "If only" can go on forever..and for what? Just so you can wish shit away by saying "if only"? Stop with that. Give up "if only". Let it go.

Stay in the present.
Be connected with where you are.
Take a GOOD look around you.

And

Just "BE"

I could go on and on about this. Get up on my soap box and all.

But eh, anyways.

What other random thought process can I spew on here tonight?

Well nothing I guess... My thoughts have seemed to quiet down for the night.

ciao

Damn! This page took forever to load

I had all this cool shit to say..and then the page took forever to load..and now..its all gone!

It was pretty epic too.. maybe I will remember it..but it will be to late then..as it wont have the same effect.

So hows the internet world been lately...

You know Ive realized lately that I absolutely have no clue what is going on in the world today. Really I do not.  Not even in my own city do I know.  I really should change this... watch the news, read it or something...
Maybe I will get better at it when I get a "real" cell phone..lol ok ok I shouldnt complain..at least its something..but its so weird not having a smart phone. Its been kinda nice too..cause Im not constantly checking facebook or my email.. I check it when I want and have time via my computer.

So yeah, anyways,

Sometimes, I almost want to talk about something personal here. But Im really sticking to the fact that this blog wasnt going to be personal.  Maybe I need to find some anonymous blog where I dont share with anyone..but then, some thoughts probably shouldnt ever be read.... if only I could forget them...

Im disappointed in music lately.. Esp all the new stuff. I remember the time where the lyrics of songs actually meant something OTHER then some man being a dog or woman being a slut..

It feels like the more time goes on, the more things are getting taken for granted..are being used up..are being destroyed. Its rather sad actually. There is still so much beauty in the world..but there are so many less people seeing it. What if, it just disappears? Everything would be grey. That breaks my heart. I truly, firmly believe that there is some beauty to everything. And no one will ever take that away from me.

I just realized that Im still covered in paint..lol Too tired now to take a shower..will do so in the morning before work.


Above & Beyond ~ Home

I need to go to the library more.. I like to read.. just havent done much of it lately..

 
Boomer has left me..lol I wont be able to sleep now without the 22lb weight that lays over my leg.

Buh Bye!

So...

Another night where Im not sleeping so well...

Have a lot of things rambling around in my head as usual.

And..

Im thirsty...

My cat... he snores..he grunts..and he drools on me when Im petting him..lol He is 22nds solid pounds of a small bear.. he has no tail at all..so he literally looks like a small bear when he walks around. And I love him dearly :)

By the way...his name is Boomer

Why do I chain smoke when I write these blogs?

Ah music.. Im having a music ADD moment though, I can not decide what I want to listen too..
My Pandora is filled with all different types of music..and for the life of me, I have no idea what I want to hear.

ok I think Ive decided on my Conjour One station.  Soothing, not to big and bassy.. I still need to try to get some sleep.

Do you ever like to just lay in the bed in the dark and just think? Let your mind wonder around.. Not worring about things...just letting your mind go. Its really great sometimes. Its really interesting when you just let you mind take control. You really learn what you want in my opinion.

I put too much leave in conditioner in my hair.. its kinda crunchy :/

lol and I forgot to comb it..

beauty products..holy crap.. they are overwhelming! I just want something that will leave my curls soft and not explode..lol Well I guess that statement would more towards hair products..

I love my hair. I love the fact that its naturally curly..I do every now then straighten it..and just about everyone who has seen me with straight hair, prefers my hair being straight rather then curly.
Which saddens me a little.. I dont feel like myself when my hair is straight. I feel like I have to play this "part" I dont know what kind of part..but some kind of part that isnt the real me.  I will be utterly surprised and amazed by the person who finally says...they like my hair better curly.. cause then, I would feel like that they would "get" me somehow.

Ok last cigarette..and then I must try to get some sleep.

So, what to ramble on about...

OMBACON! I saw the most awesome thing today...it was during sunset and a thunderstorm was beginning to roll through..and the clouds were like a corral color.. anyways it began to mist and all of a sudden a rainbow appeared..it went through the cloud. So you could barely see the actual colors of the rainbow..but you could definitely see the bend and the colors on either side of the cloud..it was absolutely the most breath taking natural beauty I think I had ever seen. I wish I had a camera that was good enough to take a picture of it.

Need more tea..

Ok..tea obtained.. cig halfway through..hmm

Antaeus ~Time   pretty good stuff.  (electronic music)

So yeah I spaced out and finished my cig..

Think its bed time..

Nighty night!

Just because I can

I really dont have a thing to talk about tonight. Im just laying here in bed...thousands of thoughts are of course running through my head..but none that I really want to share as they are pretty personal haha..so

anyways, lets now think of non personal stuff..hmm..

Im glad Im off for the next 2 days.. I get to spend some quality time with my someone special..

I dont know what else Im glad for at the moment lol ... Im about half asleep and shouldnt even be blogging...but I like the idea of just coming on here and spitting out whatever random bullshit comes through my fingers across the keyboard..lol

and now I just went onto something else for awhile and forgot this was up... ahhh a  blog completely and utterly about nothing at all..

haha

Love + Things?

I was driving a little while ago, and this thought just hit me. People love things more then they love other people.
Now when did this come about? When did people or should I say society become so obsessed with "Things"?
Sure, people "love" other people..but the value over that love has been decreasing for many years now.

I feel like my soul is in the wrong generation at times. I get frustrated at peoples so called "values" these days.

Im probably being biased. As I have now felt love in its purest form and I wish that other people could take the time and actually feel it as well. Or Im listening to techno/trance and its making my mind crazy..haha

Its the little things that matter people. I swear it is..When you leave this earth, its not going to be how much money you made, the house you lived in, the car you drive or what you looked like...its going to be about your character..that is what people will remember.

I really wish people wouldnt use the word "happy" so freely.. Meaning, that I really cant stand when people say.. "I will be happy when........(insert whatever here..)

Happiness is a choice..

Let me repeat that..


Happiness...is...a...choice.

You have to make the choice to be happy right now..to be happy with what is in front of you..and if you are no happy with it..then change it...and if you cant change it..then at least find a couple of things that are good with it and build on that.

Stop complaining about things that you cant change or arent willing to change.  Either way nothing can be done about it, and people are tried of listening to you.

Stop thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.. How the hell do you know? Are you physic now?

Now, Im not talking about being "settled" or "stuck in a rut".. you can still strive for things, you can still dream for things, dont ever stop dreaming.. but choose to be happy along the way..if something doesnt work out, know that you did your best, or think of things that you could change to make it work the next time.

Only walk away if there are no more "What if's" in your head. .. if you know that there is not a thing you can do, and you still cant bear it.. thats when you know you can walk away.


Love, at least once, like there are no boundries.  There really almost no words to describe it. It fills you with such light. It will literally change you. In the best way possible.


I dont know people, I just wish I could explain it all better. I wish that you would just take a few and enjoy where you are right now.

Live in the present, strive for the future, learn from the past.

New Blog about whatever I want to talk about..

So, in having to say good bye to "HahaMommy" Ive decided to start another blog of just randomness that my mind comes up with..
I did have so much to say, but while looking at this my mind went blank..lol

I have a different way of viewing many things.. and at times I do seem to contradict myself.  But one thing I will always be is real.

I dont think that I will blog about anything to personal. Just random stuff and my view on it. I think it would be quite interesting to see if I actually get anyone to read this and share their viewpoints as well. A good discussion is never a bad thing

Ok, so what random subject should I go on and on about...

The weather sucks... so freakin out there...and with 4 of the A/C fans out at work... it was horrible!

You know what else is horrible? Have to hear and see nothing but Tom and Katies divorce.. I mean really.. my divorce wasnt publized like that! THANK THE UNICORNS! but still just because they are famous we have to have our faces stuck up so far their asses that we need to know every aspect of their divorce?

Im just so sick on how society is stuck on what the hell everyone else is doing! You know if we focused more on OUR lives instead of everyone else's things might be a whole lot different.

Society in general tends to piss me off.  A few people call me a "Hippie" because I just dont really give a flying monkey about what the hell society is doing. Now this doesnt mean that Im some feelingless nomad loner type of person. Or some drugged up commune living person either.  Ive just about experienced all walks of life in my 32 yrs. So Im pretty good at seeing things from other view points. On a society level Im just your average woman, other them some tattoos and curly red hair, I dont look really any different then your average soccer mom.

Until...

You start talking with me.. really conversing with me. Then I will show you things from a whole other perspective.

ok anyways, back to society.. it amazes me that we blame everything on something else. Whether it be on advertisements, someone else's opinion, the internet...WHATEVER.. they refuse to own up to their own mistakes..


NO ONE FORCES YOU TO DO ANYTHING!


now, youre gonna come back with at me with what about the Laws and shit like that...


but once again....


NO ONE FORCES YOU TO DO ANYTHING!



We make our own decisions..now whether those decisions are based on laws or morals, doesnt mean at all that you are FORCED. You made those decisions...you alone.

Anyways, Im done writing.. Ive gotten bored :P